Friday, September 24

I just need to write....

For those of you who choose to read this... I am not expecting any sympathy nor comments....  I just need to write...

My sweet husband has been out of town a-l-l week! I have had full parental and household duties a-l-l week. I have probably talked to my husband for a full 2-1/2 hrs all week because he has been so busy working.

Yesterday afternoon RL and JM both had a milk snack. RL chocolate milk, JM soy milk. When RL was done with her milk, she threw her cup on the floor. I wasn't in the room, but heard JM coughing. I went in to find that her cup was on the floor. I FREAKED OUT! I watched him for a minute or two, and RL said he got her cup. I grabbed my epipen, made JM another soy milk bottle to drink, headed for the bathtub with JM, and told RL to find my phone.

I stripped my poor little guy -- who was shaking his head because of the irritation, and was sneezing and coughing -- and stuck him in the tub, all the while trying to get him to drink some soy milk to help flush whatever milk he had drunk out of his system. I am watching my little boy heave, shake, turn red, and gasp for air. Then... he throws up the entire contents of his tummy... and then some! Once done, he continued gasping for air and I picked him up, took the cap off the epipen and gave it to him. I had to hold it in his thigh while holding him down for the longest 10 seconds of my life - while listening to him scream in pain! I wrapped him in a towel and held him tight while bawling myself! [my mascara just streaming down my cheeks]

I call one of my best friends because she is a nurse and I knew she was home and would help me feel better about having to give him  the epipen. She is awesome! Then I tried calling the Dr. but I was shaking too badly that I couldn't even enter his Medical Record # into the phone. So, I call my mom.... no answer. I call my dad.. he answered. I was holding back tears and shaking so hard that I could hardly talk on the phone. JM was continuing to sneeze and shake because he was in shock too, but the epipen works! He was better almost instantly!

My dad leaves work to go home so that he could watch RL while I take JM to the Dr. to be checked out. I call me husband who says he is too busy to talk and tell him, that I wasn't going to let him call me back. I didn't care if he was in a mtg, I was going to talk to him NOW! I proceed to briefly tell him what had happened amidst streaming tears - so bad that I could hardly talk. It felt good just to talk to him. He had to go, so I got off the phone. Then he texted me telling me that I had done the right thing.

I put a diaper on JM, who is still coughing and sneezing, and get him dressed. Then realize that I can't leave yet because I have to go get laundry out of the dryer at the end of the building! I dry my tears, wipe away my mascara lines, load the kids in the stroller, and trek down to get laundry. We come back home, pack the diaper bag and drive over to my parents house.

When we get there my mom has just gotten home and my dad shows up before we get out of the car. My dad (thankfully) comes with me and JM to Urgent Care while my mom stays home with RL. JM is doing much better by now, but I want to have him seen anyways!

It takes us probably 45 minutes to be seen by the Dr.. We are in the Dr.'s office for at least 20 minutes before the Dr. comes in. My little guy is running around, hiding in a teeny tiny coat closet, playing with the sink, moving the Dr. stool across the floor, tripping over the computer wires, and opening every drawer in that tiny room. (Did I mention how small the room was??? - I don't know who thought it would be a good idea to NOT baby proof a room you put a toddler in for 20 minutes!) I was, and am, so thankful for my dad. He did the majority of JM-watching while I just sat. After a terrible week with no help, then the epipen thing, I was so wiped out!

The Dr. came in, listened to JM's heart and lungs, poked, prodded, and squished his tummy and said that he was totally fine. We ordered a new epipen and were on our way!

--I am so thankful for loving family members who dropped whatever their plans were to help me last night! I don't know what I would have done without them!

But... I am so beyond frustrated with JM's allergies! I can't completely get rid of the milk, egg, and peanut products in our house. RL loves chocolate milk, I can't really deny her of something she loves! JM has bowel issues because he isn't eating enough of the right foods to help regulate everything... but he can only eat so many foods. The specialized foods he CAN eat are really expensive! I stress out over every meal because I want my kids to eat healthy and get the nutrients that they need, but I have to be careful what I give them. Most nights I make JM his own dinner... which is so much work to plan and execute! Most of the foods we (I) love we can't make anymore. Using egg substitutes for baking is OK, but just isn't the same. I love my son more than anything in the world and I am willing to give up all those good things if it means I never have to go through this again!

It wasn't until we were on the way to my parents that I even had a second to relax and thank my Heavenly Father for my blessings. I had another good l-o-n-g cry on that drive. When the ordeal started I hadn't really had a second to do anything and praying hadn't crossed my mind. BUT, I am thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves me and my family and blesses us even when we don't have the ability to ask for blessings. JM is doing great today and slept well last night. My sweet mom made everyone dinner while my dad, JM, and I were at the Dr. JM at some of his dinner and threw the rest on the floor!

Thanks for listening (reading). It always makes me feel a little better when I can put my thoughts down in writing.


Suzanne Shisley said...

You are amazing! You made it through a tough week with lots of challenges and stress but you are fine and probably stronger.
I am glad that Dad and I could be there for you when you needed us. (We need to have a convo with AT&T to restore or fix the service at my work, so I can get the calls!) Soon the laundry won't be so far away and you will have the room to cook more from scratch for Jonah. I bet you will even start a blog for the egg, dairy and nut impaired.
Love you

Tera said...

Oh do I understand what you are going through. JP travels for a week out of every month, leaving me at home to care for 4 kids, all by myself. We have no family close so there is NEVER any help or any breaks. It is amazing how strong you can find yourself when you have to be. And just like Danior, JP gets so busy when he's out of town, I'm lucky if he'll talk to me for 15 or 20 min out of the whole day.

You are lucky and blessed to have family close to you who are willing to help with your children when you need them. I wasn't blessed with family like that and am always jealous of those who do.

I also completely can empathize with the allergies, and how expensive the substitutes are and how dreadfully frustrating it is to take a child with allergies out in public, let alone to keep them home. We too had to make 2 meals EVERY NIGHT. It was so frustrating. We couldn't even leave Brynna with a sitter because I was so afraid they would feed her something she couldn't have, and would a teenager even know how to give her the epipen if she needed it?

Hang in there. Jonah is depending on you. You can do it!

Gigi said...

Sorry you had a rough week, and JM did, too. Thankful you have family close. And great blessings. JM and you guys are always in our prayers. Hang tough. Things will get better.

Jennie said...

Its rough being a single parent. I totally understand a husband being gone and unable to talk to him. Its very frustrating. Somewhere down the road you will look back and be amazed at all the things you did that you never would have thought you could.

One thought for chocolate milk is my friend has a daughter with the same allergies and they found that they all like the chocolate soy milk. Maybe RL would like chocolate soy milk?

Grancy said...

You made me cry...My heart goes out to each of you. I remember those days with a little bit of panic and a lot of gratitude for close family who could help each time Nathan ate something he shouldn't have or someone broke a bone. You're a brave, good mother, and you're doing an amazing job.

Laura said...

matt was out of town all last week and then again all this week (who also never called me) i know how rough it is! but having that happen with jonah on top of already feeling overwhelmed...that's terrible. at least you have your family close by to rely on! i am grateful for that blessing as well.

The Gilley's said...

What a strong mom you are. I am so sorry you had to go through that, and your baby boy, but thank goodness for you and your family.

Robert and Suzanne said...

You must have the best dad in the world.


Leanne said...

I really hope I never have to use an epipen, though we have 2 just in case. I bet you were great. It is the most terrifying thing to see your child in that situation. I have been there too. take care!

Bren said...

It is amazing the things you go through for your kids. You are such a good mom and they are really lucky to have you. It will get easier when JM is old enough to understand that he can't eat those things...I hope. Tell RL that she needs to drink chocolate soy milk. =)

Bren said...

Oh and you do have the best Dad in the world.